If I Am
by only-because3
Summary: “I’m kinda pregnant,” she whispers from behind the blonde, eyes cast down to the floor. Noah must lurch forward because suddenly Quinn’s almost stepping on her toes, hands clutching her forearms before the hands disappear.


Hey everyone! So, I know I should be finishing the last chapter of Wonderwall but I found this prompt (Puck's sister is 16 and pregnant. Puck's pissed that she didn't learn from his mistakes. angsty can have a fluffy ending up to you.) on the Glee_Angst_Meme and it literally wrote itself. So I hope y'all can forgive me for writing this when I should've been working on other things! Enjoy!

* * *

She remembers when her mother and brother broke down crying when she was eight years old.

She was supposed to be asleep upstairs but her brother had looked so upset when he came home that she just _had_ to hear what he had to tell their mom.

She remembers her mother turning away from Noah, crying and shaking her head. "I thought you knew better… How could you be so _stupid_?" Her brother put his hand on their mom's shoulder only to have her pull away. "I need some time alone to think about this." He nodded, eyes already red rimed as he watched her grab her keys and silently slip out the front door.

This was the first and only time she ever saw her big brother cry.

She crept down the stairs quietly, pausing only when Noah lifted his head from his hands to reveal tear stained cheeks. "She won't be mad forever Noah… Just like she stopped being mad at me after I broke one of the good plates."

He laughed a little and then shook his head. "This is bigger than a plate Jen."

She sat down next to him, resting her head on his shoulder. "What'd you do then?"

"If Mom asks, I didn't tell you anything okay," he asked, looking down at her head of brown hair. She nodded against him and he let out a sigh. "I… I got someone pregnant."

She lifted her head. "Santana?" She wrinkled her nose at the thought and had been relieved when her brother shook his head. "Good. I never liked her."

He tried to smile but it never came through. "Her name is Quinn."

She knew who she was but somehow thought that bringing that up wouldn't do any good. So instead she hugged her brother and asked if she would be getting a niece or nephew.

* * *

She's never been sure if she liked Quinn. When she was younger she never saw the older girl without her baby and she was always so tired.

"Hello Jenna," she used to say politely from her spot on the couch, Lily attached to her boob every time she came over to visit (which translated to being babysat while her mom was at work). Over time the whole breast feeding thing phased out (obviously) but Quinn remained acting like the proper Christian girl she was raised to be.

And then they moved in and she heard Quinn crying most nights as she was trying to fall asleep.

But that time is never brought up and though after that Quinn relaxed, she could still be that stiff girl she remembered from her childhood.

Still, when _this_ obstacle is placed in front of her, she can't think of anyone else to go to other than Quinn. She just hopes that a) it won't be the distant Quinn she's met with, b) Noah and Lily won't be home, and c) that Quinn won't immediately tell her mother (or brother).

Quinn opens the front door with a smile and raised brow. "Jenna, what're you doing here? I thought you'd be at Temple with the others."

She hangs her head. "I actually completely forgot about that," she sighs, shifting her weight from side to side. "Look, I know we've never been particularly close but I don't know who else to talk about this with…"

Quinn waves her in, eyebrows scrunching in confusion. "What's up?"

She turns on her heel and looks her brother's girlfriend straight in the eyes. "I think I'm pregnant." The blonde's eyes go wide as she inhales sharply. She stares at the younger girl for a moment before grabbing her purse off the hanger behind her. She digs around, pulling out her cell phone and its then that Jenna jumps in. "YOU CAN'T TELL NOAH OR MOM!"

Quinn shakes her head. "I'm not going to." She pulls her keys out of her purse, throwing her phone back into the large black bag. "Come on, we're going to the store."

* * *

Somehow, during the five minute car ride to the store and the five minute trip back, she's learned more about Quinn than she ever did during the entire eight years she's known her.

She found out that she didn't even directly tell her parents about Lily and that they haven't spoken to her since ("That would never happen to you though," she reassured with a smile.). She also found out that her niece almost hadn't been her niece ("Wasn't until I was a week late that I decided to keep her.") and that if she could do it again, she doubts she'd do everything the same ("Would you have still kept her if you knew that…" Quinn shook her head.

"I don't want to talk about that if you don't mind." This was the only time during their outing that she caught a glimpse of the rigid Quinn she always disliked. She can't really blame her for this one though).

Quinn sits on the edge of the tub while Jenna leans against the wall, eyes focused on the white stick on the counter. "Is it the boy you brought over for Thanksgiving?" She nods. "Well… he seemed nice."

She laughs. "I don't think Ma will remember that when I tell her he knocked up her 16 year old daughter."

Quinn frowns slightly. "Your mom can surprise you sometimes. She came around to me and… Well, you know how forgiving she can be Jenna."

"You're the only one who calls me by my full name. Why do you do that?"

"Because to me, nicknames are associated with children. You're not a child to me."

She bites her bottom lip. "But I _am_ a child… I shouldn't be doing this," she says angrily, gesturing to the counter.

Quinn smiles sadly, rising from her perch on the tub. "You are too young to be doing this. But you are so mature compared to everyone else and in a way you were sort of forced to grow up fast. Even if your mom and Noah tried to shield you from it. You've seen and heard more than you should've but I'm not going to coddle you because of it. You've been apart of 'adult' drama since before I knew you… You're a Jenna to me, not a Jen."

She nods and mouths a thank you before Quinn pulls her into a hug. "And that little speech has also managed to distract you enough for the remaining two minutes." Quinn pulls back with a soft smile. "Do you want me to look?"

"I'll do it." She moves around Quinn before looking back at her in the mirror. "When you did this, did you have someone with you?"

Quinn shakes her head. "I was alone."

"Thank you." She looks at Quinn's smile before looking down at the test.

Then Quinn's holding her hair back as she throws up.

* * *

Quinn's looking out the window while Jenna stays slumped next to the toilet crying. She glances down at the watch on her wrist before turning to her boyfriend's sister. "I know that this is a lot to digest, but you need to start pulling it together. They should be home soon and I can't lie gracefully if you're all red eyed."

"You're not going to tell them?"

She shakes her head. "I told you I wouldn't. I mean, if this were to happen to Lily, I'd want her to tell me as soon as possible. But I also know what it's like to be so overwhelmed and upset by _this_ that I'd never say anything until you're ready." She glances back out the window, shoulders slumping slightly. "Your mother will probably give me the cold shoulder for a while after she finds out that I knew and didn't tell her but if she can forgive your brother for what he did then she'll forgive me… and you."

She nods and leans over to flush the toilet, grabbing some toilet paper to wipe her mouth. She stands up, surveying her appearance in the mirror. "They're here. Get cleaned up and then go with whatever lie I come up with."

"Do you know what you're going to say?" Quinn shakes her head. "Maybe we can say I got sick. It's not really lying. That I came here instead of throwing my guts up at home alone and that's why I didn't make it to Temple?"

"Just go with what I say."

* * *

When she comes down stairs, she finds that her family has decided to congregate in the kitchen. Lily sits on Noah's lap at the island while her mom works around Quinn at the stove.

Man, this is going to blow up in her face. She can feel it.

Her mother turns around and smiles sympathetically at her. "Baby, why didn't you call me to let me know you weren't going to make it to Temple?" She shrugs, hand coming up to her stomach before she drops it again. "Is you're stomach feeling better?" Her mother's hand rests on her forehead. "It's a good thing Quinn ran into you while you were buying Pepto-Bismol. You don't have a fever… Did the Pepto help?"

She glances at Quinn who keeps her back turned as she nods. "I think so. I think I just might've eaten something I didn't agree with." She slumps down next to her brother, kissing his cheek as she did so.

"Momma will make you some soup," Lily says, looking over at her aunt with a smile.

Damn it, this is going to blow up _so_ bad.

* * *

Two weeks later and no one suspects anything. She does most of her throwing up at school and her mom hasn't cooked anything she hasn't gotten particularly nauseous at. Everything is going smoothly.

She thinks Noah might be catching on because Quinn pays a lot more attention to her now whenever she goes over but she figures by the time he figures it out she'll be ready to tell him.

She thought wrong.

Noah's in the living room while she's in the kitchen with Quinn. "Have you seen the doctor," she asks in a whisper and Jenna shakes her head. "You'll have to go soon Jenna. They'll be able to give you more information on everything than I can."

"I know. I'm going to go soon."

"Go where?" They both look up at Noah as he walks into the kitchen, grabbing a water from the fridge.

Quinn squares her shoulders as she lifts the lid off a pot, unnecessarily checking her mashed potatoes. "To that sandwich shop we went to a while back. That one on 4th."

It's a bad lie to say the least but she tried so she really can't blame her.

"I'm sure," he answers, taking a gulp from the bottle. "Where you goin' kiddo?" She stares back at him nervously which in hindsight probably wasn't the best idea. (She understands now that Quinn's 'proper' look was more useful than she thought.) "Jen, what is it?" He takes a step toward her and Quinn looks like she's completely blown it.

"Noah leave her alone," she tries but he doesn't look at her, eyes still focused on his little sister.

"Jenna?"

Quinn steps in front of her. "_Leave_ it _alone_." She has this look on her face that Jenna's never seen but always heard about whenever Noah came over to bitch about Quinn being a bitch ("It's like she's back in fucking high school again, the look she gives me. Like I'm dirt or some shit," he whines and then their mother hits him for cursing).

"I'm kinda pregnant," she whispers from behind the blonde, eyes cast down to the floor. Noah must lurch forward because suddenly Quinn's almost stepping on her toes, hands clutching her forearms before the hands disappear.

"Go cool off," Quinn says, pushing her boyfriend back, not moving out of the way.

"_Kinda_ pregnant? You can't be _kinda_ pregnant Jenna! You either are or you aren't!"

"Fine! Then I'm pregnant Noah," she exclaims, voice louder than she thought it would be. She looks up at her big brother and has to look back down (he looks so angry and _so_ disappointed).

"You are _sixteen_ years old! You're smarter than that Jenna. How could you be so _stupid_?" He tries to move Quinn out of the way but she doesn't budge, effectively protecting the girl from the taller boy.

She tears up despite herself. "_You_ were this stupid! You knocked Quinn up! _You_ were sixteen years old!"

"And _you_ were supposed to break the god damn cycle Jenna! You were supposed to get out of here! You weren't supposed to do _this_ you dumbass!"

"**NOAH**! That's enough," Quinn shouts and it's then that she starts crying.

"_I'm_ a dumbass? At least I didn't punk out because 'it got to hard'!" She notices Quinn tense up, looking over at her shoulder in a silent plea to get her to shut up.

"You don't know what happen Jenna," her brother says, voice softening only slightly.

"That's bullshit! I know that you left the day after Lily turned one and didn't come back until she turned five! You think that just because you came back that you're not like Dad but that's a _lie_ Noah. It's a lie we all tell you so you don't feel like a giant sack of crap! Did you know that I listened to Quinn cry every night for a _year_ after you left and she had to move in with Mom? Did you know that while you were gone I saw Lily take her first steps, heard her first word, and got mad when she was getting her first tooth because she decided to chew on the pen I got on our trip to New York? Did you know that _I_ know that you were a fucking dick to Quinn while she was pregnant and while you stuck around for that year? You are such an _asshole_ and just because Mom and Quinn and Lily love you _despite_ that doesn't mean that I have to," she screams, tears pouring down her cheeks. "You don't get to call me stupid Noah! You have no fucking right to judge me like that when I haven't said a god damn word about _your_ mistakes until now!"

Quinn hangs her head before looking at Noah and then back at Jenna. "I'm going to go see how much of that Lily heard," she says quietly, finally moving from her spot in front of the girl. "Please don't kill each other."

Jenna leans against the counter behind her, pulling her long sleeves over her hands and wiping her tears away. She notices that Noah's fists are still clenched and she wishes so badly that she hadn't said any of those things. "Noah I…" She looks up at him, a blurry outline and the only thing she can see clearly is his eyes and she has to screw hers shut because she can't look at him (this is the second time she sees her brother cry).

"Don't apologize," he says, voice still rough and she opens her eyes slightly. He takes a step forward (she doesn't flinch because no matter how bad her and Noah fight, she knows he would _never_ hit her) and wraps his arms around her, her body curling into him. "I'm sorry I called you stupid and I'm sorry I yelled." This some how makes her cry even harder. "I deserved to hear that Jen."

"No you didn't," she mutters, pulling back to look up at him. "You're not like Dad, Noah. I didn't mean that."

"I _am_. I left. I fucked up and I know I did. And everyone kind of just took me back, didn't give me much shit for it. They should've yelled at me like you did. Even Ma didn't lash out like that when I showed back up…"

"She didn't want you to leave again…" He nods and then lets her go.

"What're you going to do?" She shrugs and he lets out a frustrated sigh. "Make an appointment for next week. I'll take you, or if you feel more comfortable I'm sure Quinn'll go with you. We'll tell Ma after that okay?" She nods, wiping the left over tears off her cheeks.

* * *

She starts getting bad cramps the day before her appointment. She goes to the bathroom at school and almost passes out when she sees blood on her underwear.

She calls Quinn who doesn't answer and so the only other person she can call is Noah.

Twenty minutes after she calls him, they're sitting side by side in a Planned Parenthood. His foot is nervously tapping and she thinks she might be shaking. "This is bullshit. I should've just taken you to your actual doctor," he says after three minutes of waiting.

It's then that the door in front of them opens, and elderly woman searching for, "Jenna Puckerman." They both stand up quickly but the woman shakes her head. "Just her. No one else is allowed back."

He looks down at his sister who forces a small smile. "I'll be okay Noah."

* * *

Later, he calls his mom and tells her that Jenna is spending the night at their house. "What did she do?"

"Nothing Ma, she just wants to spend the night." It's silent on the other end for a long time before he hears her sigh.

"She better not be pregnant or drunk or in jail. Make sure she goes to school tomorrow."

He rubs the back of his neck tiredly as he looks into the bedroom he shares with Quinn to see his sister crying in between his daughter and girlfriend. "I can promise you that she is _none_ of those things Mom._"_


End file.
